What can happen when a scary experience sticks in a child’s mind​.

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When my son first went through this, it was overwhelming and frightening. I didn’t understand what was happening to him, and I couldn’t find anyone else who had experienced the same thing. It felt incredibly lonely.

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Eventually, we sought professional help. At our first appointment, I was told, “It’s okay. This is a normal human reaction. His thoughts are stuck in a worry loop, and it will ease.” I burst into tears. Hearing that brought huge relief. If you’re going through this, I hope it brings you comfort too. You will get through this, even if it doesn’t feel possible right now. Through my work in the community, I now know we are not alone many families experience this.

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What I understand now is that when a child sees something frightening online, their brain can get stuck replaying it as it tries to make sense of something it wasn’t ready for. This can lead to intrusive thoughts or behaviours that feel impossible to stop.

For my son, what he saw became stuck as trauma. It began with months of nightmares and later developed into intrusive sexualised thoughts. It was one of the hardest things I’ve faced as a parent.

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This isn’t limited to pornography. There is a lot of frightening content online. When a child sees something that scares or confuses them, they may replay it, ask repeated questions, or develop routines to feel safe. This can be part of an anxiety response and, in some cases, may be linked to obsessive–compulsive patterns where thoughts become stuck in a worry loop.

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What this can look like​​

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• Repeated reassurance seeking “Am I bad because I saw that. Am I like those people now because I think like them.”

• Avoiding certain topics, screens, or people.

• Replaying an upsetting memory again and again or having 'bad thoughts' which they can't stop.

• Doing small rituals like counting, touching, or checking to try to feel safe. These are not bad behaviours. They are signs of a worried brain trying its best to protect itself.

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How to help​​

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• Stay calm. Tell them they are safe, they are not in trouble and they will be ok. Their brain has simply seen something that scared it and lots if children come across things that are not meant for them.

• Normalise what they feel. Sometimes our brains get stuck on a scary thought. It doesn’t mean they did anything wrong and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. My little boy used to ask me “Is there something wrong with me Mummy.” I’d tell him a story about the beach. I would say “You know when you walk on the sand and your foot leaves a footprint. That is what has happened in your brain. What you saw has left a little print and like the sea washes footprints away, your thoughts will wash away too eventually. But it just takes time, its all normal as your brain is just worried about what it saw”.

• Limit reassurance gently. My son needed constant reassurance. It became so much that we gave him a dedicated time each day where he could share his thoughts. I would comfort him once or twice and then guide him into a different activity like reading, drawing, or going outside, trying to break the repetitive cycle. 

• Teach a replacement thought. Ask them to think of something that makes them feel really happy. My little boy thought of scoring a goal everytime a bad thought pops up, tell them to bring that happy thought to mind. This helps break the pattern.

• Use a thoughts journal. When they aren’t sharing thoughts, encourage them to write their thoughts down in a little notebook. It helps the brain release some of the pressure.

• Seek professional help if it continues. We ended up having to get therapy and it was the best decision we made, she helped us so much. We couldn’t get the thoughts to stop and we didn’t understand what was happening to him. His intrusive thoughts lasted eighteen months but they did stop. If the fears or rituals go on for weeks or start to affect everyday life, speak to your GP, the school wellbeing team, or a child mental health service.

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Helpful resources

 

• NSPCC Helpline: 0808 800 5000

• You can also speak to your child’s school safeguarding lead or your GP.

• Childline: childline.org.uk

• nhs.uk mental health services

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With calm support, patience and the right help when needed, most children recover and regain their confidence.