Why my 13 year old still doesn’t have a smartphone
This section is a personal, honest reflection on choosing to delay giving a child a smartphone and standing firm despite pressure from school, friends, and other parents.
It’s about why waiting mattered, what her child gained instead of what she missed, and how stepping back from constant digital noise helped her grow into a confident, grounded teenager. It’s written for parents who are questioning themselves, feeling judged, or wondering if the fight is worth it. It is.
"When my daughter was in Year 6 and Year 7, I’ll be honest, it was tough. Everyone around her seemed to be getting phones, group chats were forming, and plans were happening online. There were tears, a few arguments, she didn't know what influencers or trends people were talking about and plenty of moments where I wondered if I was doing the right thing, eveyone around me said ''I was leaving her out socially'.​ My husband wasn't on board with this at all. But I held my ground. It just didn't feel right given her a portal to every dark bit of the world.​ Of course I didn’t want her to miss out, but I also didn’t want her dragged into the whirlwind that comes with a smartphone too soon.
I talked to her about it, I mean really talked. I showed her the research, shared newspaper articles and watched videos, showed her the stories of anxiety, depression in teenagers and the constant comparisons, the late night scrolling that steals sleep and peace. I wanted her to understand why I was holding off, not just that I was. And now, she gets it.​
She’s seen the drama unfold at school, the friendship fallouts, the screenshots, the messages being read out by teachers or called into the Head. She’s watched her friends deal with the stress and confusion of digital life before they’re even ready for it. Somewhere along the way, she stopped feeling left out and started feeling… relieved.​ She still gets invited out. Her friends know “that’s just how it is” with her. She meets them at the park, goes to the cinema, walks to the shops, all the things kids should do at 13. She’s confident, funny, grounded, and present. ​
I tell her often that this, this freedom from constant digital noise, is her superpower. ​When she’s older, she’ll have a stronger sense of who she is, not who the internet tells her to be. She’s not missing out. She’s gaining something much more valuable time, confidence, and peace.​ So to other parents wondering if it’s worth the battle: it really is. It’s not easy at first, but it’s worth every moment of resistance. You’re not cutting them off you’re giving them space to grow up slowly, and safely, in a world that rushes them far too fast.
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Mum to a 13 year old girl