Look for the signs

"This will be a hard read, it will be even harder to write and the reality was horrendous. 

It’s not easy to talk about, it’s uncomfortable but you need to be aware of it. I was asked to share this for this guide and I really wanted too, it takes me back to a place that was so dark. But if it helps even one family spot the signs sooner, I really want to share it. 

My son was nine when I started noticing changes. One afternoon he was dancing around the kitchen, showing me a “funny” move his friend had done hip thrusts, twerking, exaggerated gestures that looked straight out of Tik Tok. I laughed at first. It seemed silly and harmless.

A few nights later, I decided to sit him down and I asked more questions. That’s when he told me his friend made him play a “game”. I asked what it was, and he explained that he would run around and he would have to grab his private area (outside of shorts). I always told him that your privates are private and nobody touches them. So he knew the game was wrong.

He also said his friend did ‘weird things’ to him, my tummy was doing somersaults by this point, my heart racing, I asked him to show me some of the “weird things” his friend did, they were all done fully clothed, but clearly imitating different sexual acts some involving touching his private areas outside of his clothes. Its hard for me to write about the things that he told me, but they were heartbreaking and the things he told my little boy he said he had watched, were disturbing,

We found out the other boy also nine years old had been watching pornography at home, he had found it by accident. He didn’t understand what he’d seen; he was copying it. And then my son copied him. That’s what children do, they imitate. It was like he couldn’t stop, every day my child was told something new or something else had happened.

It’s important to say this: the child wasn’t “bad.” I really don’t blame him at all, he was a victim in all of this too. He was a child. Both were confused and too young to understand. But the situation showed me just how easily early exposure to pornography spreads, from one device, to one child, then to a friendship group.

What I want parents to know:

• Children copy what they see. They don’t need to understand it to repeat it.

• Your child might say ‘that child is weird or does weird things’ children don’t understand what it is and that’s sometimes how they explain it. They know its different.

• Tell them that their private areas are private. Nobody touches them, not for games or anything. They must come to you if anybody does. 

• What I learnt even if your child doesn’t have a phone or iPad. Your child doesn’t need any of these to be exposed, exposure to porn can happen at school at a friend’s house, in a playground, during a sleepover, anywhere.

• The signs are subtle. Odd dances, noises, jokes, or “games” that feel uncomfortable are often clues something deeper is going on.

• It’s not about blame. Children are naturally curious. The issue is access, not intent.

  
  

Pornography finds children younger than we ever imagine. It changes how they play, talk, and relate to others long before they even understand what sex is. We can’t shield them from everything online but we can teach them to recognise when something isn’t right and to come to us without shame.

According to a news source citing police data, in 2022 over half (52 %) of recorded child sexual abuse offences involved perpetrators who were themselves children. Children are often not looking for porn. Make sure any devices have full parental controls on and your home WIFI has adult content switched off.

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, strange words, movements, or games it’s worth asking further questions. It might all be innocent but it might not. That’s not overreacting. Sadly, this is parenting in the digital age."

Parent of an 9 year old boy

Click here if your child is suffering with obsessive behaviours

Click here if your child is imitating what they saw on line

Click here if your child saw something explicit